It Never Hurt This Bad

I had yearned for my first love to come back to me for four years with zero result, and it didn’t hurt this bad.

I had been given false hope and left wondering why guys just love the chase in my younger days, and it didn’t hurt this bad.

I had been in an abusive relationship for two years that damaged the way I see myself entirely, and it didn’t hurt this bad.

I had been fooled and had fooled around with guys who just love to “have fun” while I secretly grew my feelings, and it didn’t hurt this bad.

I had been friendzoned by my major crush whom I thought could be the one, then he married someone else, and it didn’t hurt this bad.

I had an unrequited love over a good friend for 8 years, still, it didn’t hurt this bad.

I had met you, for a few brief months, and I thought… maybe that’s why I kept failing. Because turns out somewhere out there, there is somebody that fits you so well. Not that you’re incomplete before you meet each other, you’re just… better. It doesn’t need years or long period of time to realize that, really.

And I thought I was a full grown woman who always know what I want and never bother to be sad about guys that weren’t into me.

But alas, when a guy is finally into you, and you thought, this is it… the universe plays its card for the gazillionth time.

And it never hurt this bad.

“This is torturous,

Electricity between both of us

and this is dangerous

’cause I want you so much

But I hate your guts

I hate you.”

-Daughter, Landfill


  1. ah bahkan aku yng udah berumur dan merasa udah lewat mellow baca suka duka perasaan begini dan mengira bakal mellow kalo udah berhubungan dengan hubungan ortu dan anak aja, aku bacanya nyesek bgt. I really pray that someday you will look back to this time and smile.You write this so beautiful it makes my heart ache

  2. Teppy….ahhh true what sondang said above. Hug for you tep. Jadi keingetan cerpen ttg teppy yg udah 70% tapi gak kelar2…huhuhu.

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